T'Internet
by Imperial Mint
Summary: ‘If you’re here then you’re either anti-SasuNaru, Pro-ItaNaru or just lost.' Famous words of the internet page Naruto has stumbled across, he realises that Kabuto has more than a few issues, Sasuke created devilish ploys and Itachi enjoys education.ItaNar


**Summary:**

'If you're here then you're either anti-SasuNaru, Pro-ItaNaru or just lost.' Famous words of the internet page Naruto has stumbled across, he realises that Kabuto has more than a few issues, Sasuke created devilish ploys and Itachi enjoys 'education'. ItaNaru

**Pairing:**

ItaNaru

**Dedicated to:**

It would have to be Chii! Ah, we make a good team really!

**Warnings:**

Hmmm, slight bashing of SasuNaru (or reasons for it), a purposefully clichéd meeting between two of our characters... um... oh maybe a few spoilers for later manga chapter... nothing else really.

**T'Internet**

It wasn't often that Naruto had enough time off to load up his crappy computer and wait 'patiently' for all the icons to appear, and it was less often that he ever really had the motivation to sit through the whirling of the fan inside the computer as he waited for the internet to connect, yet today he had an itch under his skin and only research via the good old Tinternet could help.

When the screen had finally loaded, and he had clicked on the image of a little fox circling the earth – something he couldn't help but chuckle at every time he logged on whilst thinking of his own fox – Naruto scratched his head, typing in the problem at hand; _Sasuke vs. Naruto._

Why, pray tell, was the Uzumaki typing this in? It was simple; he had had enough of people telling him that Sasuke was so much better and he was nothing without the Kyuubi's powers. Maybe Kabuto had posted his Nin-cards on his blog, last time Naruto had checked 'Shiny-Eyed-Snake's' blog, the man had posted a picture of himself smiling at a mirror, camera in hand and an Orochimaru doll pressed to his cheek.

New fads, they were truly insane these days.

Failing to locate the Nin-cards on Kabuto's blog and wincing at the emo-fied poetry the owner of the blog had posted regarding Orochimaru's death, Naruto clicked away from the page and returned to the tab that he had searched _Sasuke vs. Naruto _under.

Not really reading the links, he clicked on the first one and frowned at the address. Fan fiction? What was this?

Ignoring the image of him and Sasuke fighting – although they were a little too close for comfort in Naruto's eyes – Naruto's eyes wandered down the essay length biography. Surely they had to have a chart or something that would relate to how great Naruto was and how great Sasuke wasn't.

Naruto's eyes widened as he took in the information;

'_Who else thinks that SasuNaru is the ULTIMATE pairing EVER!? ^_^ _

_People who don't deserve to have a piano fall on their heads while walking down the streets because – and this is a proven fact – SasuNaru pwns all other pairings. _

_Factual evidence:_

_ 1. Sasuke and Naruto kissed. You know they enjoyed it!_

_2. Naruto's goals are focused on getting SASUKE back!_

_ 3. No matter how many time Sasuke has hurt Naruto, he goes on to rescue him_

_ 4. Sasuke admitted Naruto's been the only person who has got close to him since 'That-Incident'_

_ 5. Kishy is going to have SasuNaru hints at the end, take that Itachi, Gaara, Neji and Sai!_

_ 6. They are HAWT_

_All other pairings suck.'_

Naruto's eyebrow rose suddenly as the word 'pairing' stuck in his head. So they weren't just talking about fighting now were they? Even Naruto knew that…

Where the hell did they get all their 'evidence' from anyway? Sasuke was his _rival_ and nothing more! That kiss was accidental and he still brushed four times a day to rid himself of the not-so-nice-Uchiha taste. Sure, there was nothing _wrong _with Sasuke; it was more the fact that he was… Sasuke.

Of course, if there were other factors (such as if Sasuke had stayed in Konoha and maybe they had allowed their friendship to grow) then this SasuNaru could have taken place… but as it was, Sasuke had practically whored his body out to Orochimaru (Kabuto's blog had been lamenting about Sasuke's new attire and how it was just a promiscuous device to seduce Orochimaru into his chambers) and he was now goodness knows where with his stupid little team.

Naruto bolted upright and scowled at the computer; of course! This _had_ to be Sasuke's idea. Sasuke was clearly infatuated with him and this was his outlet. Making up all these rumours and stuff. Ahh that Uchiha was going to get it coming to him when they next met.

Attempting to state his curiosity, Naruto scrolled down until he came to a link titled; 'The Fox's Forbidden and Hauntingly Temptuous Desire'. Not only was it a long winded title, it was rather confusing. Who exactly was this fox? And what was his desire?

Reading the little paragraph of information underneath, the one word that stood out was SasuNaru. Aha! So he'd see one of Sasuke's devilish ploys here then?

After reading the first chapter, Naruto shook his head, trying to rid himself of the horrible imagery. First of all, Sasuke had randomly appeared during Naruto's training period with Jiraiya because the 'Old Geezer' had gone off to get drunk.

Had Jiraiya ever done that? No! He was a responsible adult who, sure liked alcohol more than the average person, cared for Naruto. During those training periods, Jiraiya had acted like his guardian and, once the Sannin had told him he was his godfather, really was his guardian.

Secondly, Sasuke had then proceeded to rape Naruto in the story. Never in his life had Naruto been raped. NEVER! Then, amazingly, the On-Screen Naruto had pleaded whilst being raped, not even attempted to push the attacker off and _submitted _to his every whim.

And then, when the crude and uncomfortable rape scene had ended (with words such as 'soft, warm, moist lower cavern' and 'swallowed every drop of the precious nectar') the Naruto had proclaimed everlasting love!

What. The. Fuck!?

Naruto clicked onto the next chapter, skimming the short paragraphs and frowning at the Cyber Sasuke's behaviour. It appeared that Rape + Naruto = Posessive!Sasuke.

Just what he needed.

Apparently the Uchiha had a darker side to him than Naruto could ever have imagined; he stopped Naruto seeing other people, especially Sakura and Gaara for some reason, shouted when Naruto wanted to do something and made Naruto submit to him, especially during sex.

Naruto scowled; he would never submit to Sasuke. If there was ever a sexual situation between them – and there wouldn't be unless Naruto was drugged and lost his mind – Naruto would make sure that he was the Seme.

After finishing the pointless story (in which the Kyuubi decided to become pally with Naruto and give him the ability to have babies, ending the conflict between them and allowing the newly wedded Uchihas to have as many babies as they wanted) Naruto wondered why the person had bothered with this.

It was, to be frank, a waste of time.

After scouring the site for a few more hours, Naruto found 386 more stories that had the same plotline as 'The Fox's Forbidden and Hauntingly Temptuous Desire'. 387 if you counted the original, and he hadn't even finished looking through all of the pages yet.

With a sigh, Naruto was about to click off of the internet and head for bed – the time had crawled on to 00.23 without him knowing – when a little link at the end of someone's profile caught his attention;

'_Why I'm Anti-SasuNaru and Pro-ItaNaru.'_

Well that was certainly a wakeup call. Naruto and Itachi? Together? Ignoring the time, Naruto clicked the link and waited patiently for the page to load.

'_If you're here then you're either anti-SasuNaru, Pro-ItaNaru or just lost. If you're lost and don't want to scar your poor virginal eyes with yaoi (male x male pairings for the 10 year olds amongst us) then please press the red cross in the corner or the arrow that takes you back._

_If you're Anti-SasuNaru, you'll probably find yourself agreeing with these points:'_

Naruto nodded to the screen and proceeded to read the points with excitement.

'_1. They are friends. FRIENDS, people. There is no sexual tension between them, they are like brothers. I'm not even going onto that subject either, especially not with Uchihacest.'_

Naruto didn't know what exactly this Uchihacest was but he knew what incest was, and who the last Uchihas were. It didn't look good.

'_2. It was JUST a kiss! An accidental one at that. For all you know, they could both be repressing the memories and brushing their teeth five times a day, not devoting their lives – and saliva – to one another.'_

Well the writer was close with this one; it was actually four times, not five.

'_3. There is no evidence that either characters are gay.'_

This one was an odd one; Naruto was convinced that Sasuke was either gay or asexual. It could happen…

'_4. Naruto is obviously interested in Sakura, NOT Sasuke.'_

Well, he wouldn't say that he was anymore, after all Sakura was more of a sister to him than anything. Plus she had made it pretty clear that she held no feelings in that way.

'_5. Naruto is obviously going to get with Hinata or Sakura. Not Sasuke.'_

Okay, well that was news. Hinata liked him? When had that happened?

Thinking back on it, it did make sense… Naruto wondered how he'd be able to face the Hyuuga heiress from now on.

Deciding to skip the rest of the list, Naruto went to the article that had caught his attention in the first place. ItaNaru, he assumed, must be Itachi paired with Naruto, him. Did they state reasons for this?

With a shout of glee, Naruto looked at the list, eyes taking in as much as he could. Two reasons stood out the most and he pondered over them;

'_Itachi refers to Naruto as 'Naruto-kun' yet they shouldn't be close. Why does he do this hmmm?_

_Itachi has never purposefully harmed Naruto seriously. He has only kept up his pretence as an Akatsuki member yet never used his full power on Naruto.' _

Unconsciously nodding to these points, Naruto found himself later engrossed in one of these ItaNaru fics, a popular one as it had over 500 reviews. It was only ten chapters!

Now, if Naruto had read a good SasuNaru first – and by this he meant plot wise - then he may be having these thoughts with Sasuke. As it was, he had finished the story, logged off of the computer and put it on standby – because he would be returning to the ItaNaru community tomorrow – and now lay in his bed, thinking about the explicit content of the story.

As he rolled over in his bed with a smile, Naruto knew exactly he'd do tomorrow.

**abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz**

Ignoring the strange stares from Kakashi, Sai and Sakura as he ran away from training (not even shouting about ramen), Naruto escaped from their usual lunch together and returned to his computer.

It was like an addiction beneath his skin; all through training his thoughts had strayed to that story and the possibilities of doing it with Itachi.

Hardly noticing the time whizzing by, Naruto searched through various streams and links to find the best of the best ItaNaru stories, finding himself to be pleased every time he completed one. It had grown late now and Naruto swore as he noticed the time; 23.10. He was supposed to be at their meeting spot an hour and ten minutes ago…

Grabbing his coat and not even bothering to turn the computer off, Naruto was about to run out of the door when he was interrupted by a cough from the window. Naruto's body froze as he looked between the man sitting on the window sill and the computer, his face turning to a bright red.

"When you didn't show up I assumed the worst Naruto. Is it that you've found a better partner on the internet or just don't like me anymore?"

Now, here was the funny thing; Naruto _had _met someone during his training with Jiraiya. It just so happened that it was an Uchiha… just not Sasuke.

"Itachi," he whispered, edging towards the computer.

"Hm? So, what was the mysterious reason that kept up apart?"

At once, the pair moved towards the computer, Naruto just missing out as Itachi got their first. Waiting anxiously for the Uchiha's verdict, Naruto turned away, recounting how he had met Itachi.

**abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz**

The sun had been warm and Jiraiya had left Naruto to collect the ice-pops they always seemed to end up sharing. Naruto's attention flitted between the nearby bird calls and the approach of what he assumed to be Jiraiya.

"About time too, old man, I was about to-"

Dark eyes met with Naruto's and both parties seemed confused. Itachi attempted to activate his Sharingan yet ended up clutching his left eye, attempting to shield the slight trickle of blood that streamed down his cheek.

At that point, Naruto forgot that Uchiha Itachi was supposed to be his enemy and launched himself from the ground, moving over to the startled Uchiha. It wasn't long before Itachi's attempts to get away from Naruto failed and he ended up kneeling next to Naruto as the Uzumaki inspected the damage.

There were no questions at the moment because Naruto wasn't sure he wanted to know. This Uchiha Itachi was nothing like the fearless Sharingan user; he was here with tattered clothes, no Akatsuki cape that Naruto could see and extremely vulnerable.

"I'm back, Naruto, and I got cup ramen too, you wouldn't believe how many people are around, I think there's a festival going on and – oh…"

Jiraiya's face dropped at the sight of his student kneeling beside an obviously exhausted Itachi. It wasn't a scene that most people would expect to come back to, especially with Itachi cloak-less and Naruto's eyes desperate.

"Move aside Naruto, you're not going to heal him by just sitting there. I've learnt enough that will help me heal him but I want you to watch."

Naruto watched in fascination as Jiraiya set Itachi's half-conscious body on the ground and laid his hands over the cuts to his torso. There was a huge slash in his upper thigh too which Jiraiya set to healing as soon as the damage to his organs was healed.

Watching everything as Jiraiya explained what he was doing, Naruto committed everything to memory. It was a few hours later that Jiraiya finally ended the flow of green chakra and sat back.

"Watch him," was all the Sannin managed before he went to his pack and took out his blanket, snuggling into the warmth.

Naruto watched Itachi sleep fitfully and wondered why exactly Jiraiya had saved him.

The morning came around soon and, with it, the waking of Jiraiya – and then Itachi. As soon as Itachi saw the pair seated opposite him, all the fight fell out of him and he slumped over a little.

"I take it they discovered your real motives then. Oh don't give me that look; you think that the Third only consulted his Advisors? Of course they overruled him but I guess it was for the best in the end. Who knows what could have happened if Uchiha had lived. Do you regret it?"

Itachi, who had previously stiffened, closed his eyes wearily.

"No, but I wish that Sasuke could love Konoha as much as I do."

Jiraiya clasped Itachi on the shoulder in a companionship-able manner before walking off, leaving Naruto alone and confused.

"I suppose you want an explanation?"

All Naruto wanted to do was shout yes, yet something held him back and he said, instead;

"Only if you want to share."

Naruto barely heard it, but Itachi thanked him and received a smile.

**abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz**

From that point on, the trio had travelled together before rumours of the Akatsuki's movement began to circulate. Itachi left them to search for Shinobi who would be willing to fight against the Akatsuki. During the time spent together, Naruto and Itachi formed a relationship, egged on by Jiraiya who said he wanted to bring out a yaoi edition of Icha-Icha.

Neither of them had really complained after the initial few months and simply learned to dodge Jiraiya's questions by requesting 'training' time.

"Fan fiction?"

Naruto winced as Itachi's voice cut through his thoughts and he turned his attention back to the Uchiha. A few clicks later, and scans of the page, Naruto realised something;

"You horny bastard!"

Itachi's _Sharingan _eyes flickered to meet Naruto's amused irises.

"I was merely educating myself for later."

Naruto frowned and asked on what exactly he could be educating himself on. Itachi simply replied,

"PWP."

**abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz**

Six months later saw Naruto travelling around the various Shinobi countries. Itachi and himself had strayed away from the fan fiction community since Kabuto had caught wind of it and proceeded to plague the internet with fan fictions of OroKabu or KabuOro. Not a particularly nice image and even worse quality of writing.

As it was, Itachi and Naruto were enjoying a day out of Konoha – Tsunade had accepted Itachi back into the Shinobi ranks five months previously after learning never to walk into Uzumaki Naruto's apartment after they have read a particularly smutty story.

Not good for the heart.

Naruto stopped suddenly and glared at a figure before them. The figure tilted its head forward slightly and its eyes bugged out.

"Uchiha Sasuke…"

Remembering his promise so long ago, and a phone call that had taken place a few weeks ago where Sasuke called to apologise to Itachi and said he would be coming back to Konoha in the near future, also where Naruto had told him he discovered the Uchiha's ploy with the SasuNaru business, Naruto growled and leapt into motion.

Itachi just watched at the sidelines as his partner and brother began to fight, Sasuke denying the charges and Naruto insisting.

With a shrug, he closed his eyes and smirked; it was time for a little more education on _lemons_.

**abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz**

**Notes:**

For those who do not understand the 'Tinternet' reference, I didn't make an error there.

Tinternet;

Parody of the Northern English accent. Shortening of 'The Internet' to 'T'Internet' and then to Tinternet. Made popular by Peter kay.

Reviews are always appreciated!


End file.
